Today, as I was leaving for the gym, I noticed some post on the side. Mrs Upstairs never picks up her post (which infuriates me, and one day soon I’m just throwing it all away out of sheer anger) so there is always something on the side, but for whatever reason this morning I was particularly drawn to the top envelope. It was addressed to flat 2, but rather than Mrs Upstairs, it was addressed to Marvel’s Newest Superhero – Occ The Occupier.

Because that has to be a superhero, right?

In the spirit of this, I decided to do some research. Here are my favourite “___the___” name combinations, mostly from fiction, with a couple from history.

Groo The Wanderer – A sort of Asterix and Obelix type idiot. I really only picked him because his name is Groo (which is a great name)

Xorr The God-Jewel – Super cool name. Also, a sentient planet. So definitely and in no uncertain terms, super-cool.

Cohen The Barbarian – Yes, you read it correctly, no, I didn’t mean Conan. Read more Terry Pratchett, world.

Richard The Lionheart – Because COME ON.

Suleiman The Magnificent – I’m biased here, because magnificent is such a great word.

Cosmo the SpaceDog – Who makes a guest appearance in Guardians of the Galaxy. Facts.

Ashema the Listener – A Celestial who learnt all about humanity. And then later was saved by the Fantastic Four.

Lara the Illusionist – Because nothing beats having a really literal superhero name.

Charles The Bald and Charles The Fat – Neither original, neither flattering, both excellent.

Exitar the Exterminator – The Celestials have all the best names (as it turns out). Also, this dude is super-scary but therefore awesome.

I’d apologise for the heavy Marvel slant of this post, but I’m not going to because Marvel is a bit awesome. So there. I also do realise how geeky this all comes across, and am totally ok with that.