There are no easy days.
I actually think that holds true even when there isn’t a global pandemic. There are easier days, which to be honest are usually just the days where there’s a better plan (if you’re me). There are more complicated days, there are days which are physically hard, and emotionally hard, and mentally hard. That’s just being human.
Being human at the moment is difficult, because there are no easy days, and there’s no let-up.
I get up each day and I walk to my odd little loft-office, and I hit ctrl-alt-del and open my laptop and I think about how lucky I am to be a person who still has a job, and a place to do it, and who is still healthy and safe.
But I also feel a wave of anxiety each time I hit ctrl-alt-del because that’s what I’m missing right now. Control, of any kind. I can make plans, but I can’t do anything about the world outside, or the people I support. They are unpredictable factors, and it’s all I can do day by day to try and keep up with them.
This isn’t just a work thing. That accounts for a lot of it, because supporting others is a huge part of my role (it’s literally in the name), but that’s also how I interact with so many people in my life. I have always taken on a caring role, it’s where I fit, and I love to do it. But right now I am struggling to be that supportive person in the way I’d like to be – not because of a lack of will, but because of a lack of way.
And let’s be clear. This isn’t a cry for help. I’m not “struggling” struggling. I just want something which is impossible right now. To control the circumstances around me and others so that I can make everyone’s life easier.
So no days are easy.
I hope we all make it through this ok.