I like to think that I’m not quick to anger, except for certain situations. I get very angry very quickly if someone is rude or inconsiderate, because I fundamentally believe there is no excuse or cause to make the people around you feel bad. But that aside, I’d say I have a long fuse.
So for me to say that I was furious ALL DAY today, is a fairly big deal in my books.
My fury stems from having spent a long time now watching something done badly. For weeks I’ve been plagued by that gnawing feeling you get when you see someone do something and think “why would that be the best way to go about that?” – not, to clarify, because anyone is doing anything wrong per se. I get this a lot with boyfriend though, when he cooks. You’re not wrong to put dry pasta into cold water and then let it heat up as the water boils. But WHY would you do that. W.H.Y.
This feeling provokes me into my worst bad habit, which is doing things which aren’t mine to do. Things in which I have no expertise other than the gnawing feeling that I could do them better. That feeling is a lie.
I took several things into my own hands today, and don’t for a second think it was the best use of my time, because it only served to irritate me more, to the point where I ended my day petulantly insisting that I would move some barriers myself because I didn’t believe the builders would do it (under my watchful eye, the builders did it).
And this is really the sticking point, because like all habits, it’s difficult to give up when it actually scratches an itch. My itch is things not being done, and knowing that if I get petulant enough things will get done is a very dangerous motivator.
I guess what I’m saying is, I’m grumpy and I can’t be trusted to not tell builders what to do.